yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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