I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We just shotgunned beers for America
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
