i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
