Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
