that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
