i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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