Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Quick, to the slutcave!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
