Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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