Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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