There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
