I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize