I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
