I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
