his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
