Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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