since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
