Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
