plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
