He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
