Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
As shirtless as possible
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize