Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
