I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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