sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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