I'm really into asian looking animals
grandma shit on top of the toilet
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
