the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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