Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
