Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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