Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
