I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
