She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize