Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
