Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
