i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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