Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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