I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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