i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
