pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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