woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
