wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
