I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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