I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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