My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize