i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
