legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
