I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
