my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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