Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
