I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
His nipple licking is glorious
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