You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
