Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
