I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
