We won't sleep together?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
