Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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