i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
