So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
