oh god the rape fog is back!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
