bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
