I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
