I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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