the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
