if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you win again, gameday.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
