i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize