I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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