I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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