I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
