Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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