i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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