Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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