I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
