my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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