I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
