So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
