i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
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