I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
