she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
