I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
