If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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